The final phase of mindfulness practice refers to becoming more mindful of everything else in your life, such as your behaviors, reactions, environments, and relationships. This is the last phase because you cannot possibly be mindful of everything else in your life until you are first and foremost mindful of what is happening in your body and mind.
For example, the five senses are your window to the outside world. So how can you possibly be mindful of the outside world if you are not even mindful of the window itself? Furthermore, your emotions are an amazing interpretive summary of everything happening in your body and mind in any given moment. In short, your body and mind are mindfulness machines…so pay attention to them!
Once you have developed more mindfulness of your body, more mindfulness of your mind, and more mindfulness of other things in your life, you are on the path to insight. Think of anything in your life that you can become more mindful of. Insight happens when we start to connect all those dots and see how they are all interrelated.
Consider this example. It’s great if you can become more aware of physical reactions in your body, such as: “My chest feels tight; I feel a knot in my gut; I feel like puking; I feel lightheaded.” It’s great if you can start to notice psychological states, such as: “I feel panicky; I feel a sense of dread; This seems like a déjà vu.” And it’s great if you can become more cognizant of what’s happening outside your mind and body, such as: “That man looks just like the guy who assaulted me. His mustache and sunglasses look almost identical!” But wouldn’t it be even better if you could connect the dots and see how all these data points are interrelated? That’s when insight happens!
On one hand, we must first be mindful of each of these data points before we can connect the dots and form an insight. On the other hand, what would be the purpose of only becoming more mindful of these various data points in isolation, but never understanding how they all connect? Some people make mindfulness the be-all and end-all of life and miss the entire point. Mindfulness is a means to an end, not the end itself. The goal we are striving for is better insight into our symptoms, and ultimately healing from our trauma. We need mindfulness to get there. To get you started on that path, I would like to introduce several exercises that you can build upon as you progress through this journey.
Making a Mindfulness Action Plan
Sometimes mindfulness practice will be more challenging than you anticipated. With some activities more than others, you may notice that your mind wanders, you get distracted, or you just want to give up. (Well, as you have already learned, just noticing these tendencies is already being mindful!) If you keep getting detoured on your path to mindfulness, you may need a MAP—a mindfulness action plan—to stay grounded in the present. This map includes six reference points to keep you on track.
Simply complete the following sentences starting with these prompts:
- I am… (Insert identity or role relevant to the mindfulness exercise.)
- Here now… (Focus on the present moment.)
- Accepting… (Acknowledge the challenges of mindfulness in this moment.)
- Noticing… (Apply your observation skills.)
- Committing to… (Make a decision to remain mindful.)
- What I care about… (Make this decision in light of your priorities and principles.)
Let me share a personal example of how this works. My favorite mindfulness exercise is playing with my kids. As previously mentioned, kids are mindfulness machines, and their mindfulness is contagious. But even when I really want to be mindfully present as I play with my kids, sometimes it is difficult, and my mind starts to drift to other competing commitments in my life. That’s when I remember my MAP!
- I am a father.
- Here now playing with my kids.
- Accepting the fact that other commitments I have will need to take a back seat.
- Noticing the tension in my chest as I think about everything else going on in my life.
- Committing to playing with my kids, regardless of what other commitments I have.
- What I care about: Family is more important to me than career and other priorities.
Think of a situation in your life where you have found it challenging to stay engaged in the present and would like to be more mindful. What is your MAP?
RAIN Dance
RAIN Dance is applied mindfulness at its best. This tool is especially useful for dealing with trauma reactions that show up as intense emotions. The RAIN Dance is not just an acronym; it is also a metaphor. Instead of fighting your intense emotions, which only makes them more intense, why not dance with them? The more you fight with your emotions, the more they fight back. We fight with our emotions by judging, suppressing, or trying to control them. In contrast, RAIN Dance is a four-part tango that involves the following steps: Recognize, Allow, Inquire, and Nurture.
Here’s an example of how to apply this skill to a very common emotion: anger.
- First, start by learning to recognize your anger—and especially where you notice it in your body (for example, your jaw is clenched).
- Next, give yourself permission to allow your anger (instead of judging or resisting it, which will only make it more difficult to manage in the long run).
- Then learn to inquire about your anger—approach it with curiosity, empathy, and maybe even humor. After all, fear and anger are neurologically incompatible with empathy, curiosity, and humor.
- Finally, engage in some sort of nurturing (that is, self-soothing) behavior to release the anger in an appropriate way (such as taking a long walk through the woods or reorganizing your apartment).
What are some ways you might practice the RAIN Dance in your daily life? Think of some emotions that you might struggle with, such as anger, sadness, or worry. Journal or reflect on how this technique can help you work through these feelings with compassion instead of judgment.
